The Gift of Engaging in Your Child’s Play
A child’s world is full of wonder and amazement. A young child uses his toys and artwork to articulate and express himself. Very similar to how a photographer expresses her passion through the use of the lens, or how a poet uses beautifully gathered and inspired words to take us into his inner world. Self-initiated spontaneous play is essential to a child’s well-being.
Children use play to make sense of things. They find solutions to problems as they engage in active repetitive play. By setting aside time each week and giving your child the gift of play, you can learn more about your child and about what is not being said with words.
Allowing your child to take the lead during this special play time allows you to experience his world in a different way. So relax and let yourself go. Let go of the impulse to lead, analyze or control what he is doing.
First Step
Commit to a scheduled playtime. This time allows for therapeutic encounters so it should not be taken away when you are angry or frustrated at your child. However, if you feel you cannot manage the scheduled playtime, then explain it to your child and ensure that you reschedule within the next day or so. Realistically speaking, quality is more important than quantity. So schedule a length of time you feel is manageable for both of you.
Guidelines for Play Time
Designate an area where you and your child can have fun without the preoccupation of breaking things, making a mess or any safety concerns. Finding a nice quiet spot outside could work also. The focus should be on your child not other distractions. No phones, no visitors, no side conversations with others.
Wear loose and comfortable clothing. Meet the child at his level by sitting on the floor or rolling on the floor! Maintaining eye contact with your child adds to the interactive experience as well as modeling healthy social behavior. Meeting your child at his level demonstrates acceptance of him, his world and adds to the fun and spontaneity of the moment.
Explain to your child that while you are the parent and make the rules, during this special time he is in charge as long as he is safe. Then let him lead the way. This means that you do not get to choose the activity for your child. An exception can be made if you have a physical limitation or injury. Be aware of your body language. For example, rolling your eyes and muttering under your breath – if you are not particularly excited about the activity your child has chosen – could give him the message that you are not interested or do not think that he has picked a good activity. Remember this is a time to support your child for who he is and not for whom you would like him to be.
Encourage your child to express himself. You can do this by being sincere and listening. This is not the time to make comparisons or scold the child for past or present mistakes.
Do remind your child how long the activity will last and give them another gentle reminder 2-3 minutes before the activity is to end. This is particularly important with younger children.
Sometimes a child has a need to draw or play out scenarios that might not be particularly pleasant to you. If you have any concerns, it is best that you consult with the school counselor or a trained professional. They can assist in advising you with any concerns you might have and guiding you in the right direction. It is important that as adults, we communicate our problems and frustrations with other adults; it is just as important that a child be heard and listened without being judged. It is a compliment to you as a parent that your child feels comfortable and is able to share his feelings with you.
Children are resilient. Like adults, they experience unfortunate obstacles as they travel through the journey of self-discovery and self-growth. By providing your child with individual, fun and non- judgmental interactions such as play, you are allowing him to enrich his medium of communication and to express his joys, fears and frustrations more freely. You are also providing him with additional tools for coping during stressful times. When you give the gift of play you will receive the opportunity to experience the world from a different perspective while being inspired to be a more creative and spontaneous individual.